Professional Victim...

And here we go again…. And again. Since October last year, using different words (or quoting people who talk about real abuse… I’d assume) the self proclaimed survivor saying the same, over and over: “My abuser, just like they all, lies”.

You can only admire her restraint… If my father abused me and then called me a liar when I talked about it, I’d be… beyond myself. “How the f… dare you, you… s.o.b!” Wouldn’t you? But not BD (bio daughter). Yes, she got fffurrrious when I dared to post something on her timeline! Like, questioning her right to express any opinions (and esp. such a blunt one she did, having no frigging idea what she was talking about!) about “her people”, meaning us, Poles. The same poor girl who wanted to live with a Canadian family because she was ‘forced’ to speak her native tongue at home…) Oh man... 80% expletives was her answer. 

But every time I make a point, proving that all that horrible stuff she uhm, allegedly had to “go through” is a total fabrication, The Victim gets strangely quiet. And then… agaaain, reposting comments on those lying abusive bastards (how can I be sure all those are real victims? And that’s exactly, as we all know, the problem; people like her make victims look ‘suspicious’). 

But try to find a single post with a… n even dash of a proof or… an attempt to make a point, to question… anything I’ve said. Nothing. Zip. Why?

TBC. And this is what started.... all this. 

Alison Gorka

13 hrs · 

CN: child abuse, victim blaming, fucking bystanders with their "opinions".

What absolutely stuns me is that more times than I care to have experienced... when people hear about my abusive alcoholic father... they immediately ask "would you/will you ever/do you think you can forgive him"...

...without ever asking if he had asked for forgiveness. without asking whether he repented or took any responsibility for his actions.

instead of turning their sights on him, they turn their sight on the survivor, make it about the survivor's reaction. and expect me to forgive him. as though that's the natural progression.

without anything necessary on his part.

without knowing that for years, I was told that if I had done something differently, if I had acted differently, if I had changed my behaviour, maybe he wouldn't have HAD to push me down the stairs, throw me out of a chair, swing at me, at my face.

for years I believed that it was on me, that it was my actions that led to it.

then to be asked, again, about my part in it, what my part will be, how will I react.

this is probably why I am so fucking angry when people try and preach to black people in the U.S. right now about forgiveness, about love, about peace... don't focus on the survivors of violence and tell them how to react, focus on the perpetrators. have they asked for forgiveness? have they been punished for their violence? have they been repentant?

DO. THEY. DESERVE. FORGIVENESS.

NO?

THEN. FUCKING. STOP.

(the best part about this bit... I posted something like this earlier today, but I guess it didn't load up to FB properly before I lost signal. so I had to go and type it over again. cuz that's fun. so FUN.)

  
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April 15, 2020 

So many times I tried to get around to finish this post but… yeah, it’s “so much fun”… The mere thought of “going there”… agaaaain(!)  made me puke.

So yes, I understand that it may take 20-30 years to finally… I’m talking about real victims. However, we’re not talking about one of them here b/c… think about it. Even if it's just a little thing... 

After 19 years of silence, the victim fiiinally takes up her courage to… get it all off her chest and trying to put all that hell in words being... possibly in some kind of… trans… And then… oh fuck, it didn’t go through! Have to do it agaaain… This stupid post.

No, it’s not a proof that the professional victim lies but… It took one ‘little proof’ (on top of quite convincing, I think, reasoning) to make a couple of her former friends to completely distance themselves from the obvious liar. And I’m talking guys like Johnny C… Oh, this guy gave me so much shit before…  he realized what kind of a person he was dealing with.. I guess….

For starters...

I planned to start this blog long ago... Actually, I did start it a few years back but... Well, I wish I didn't, it was a really bad time in my life.

There will be a “proper introduction, structure” and all that, but now I just want to focus on one thing; something I’d normally do on Facebook, but… enough, it only creates unnecessary confusion. Others, obviously, have no idea what it’s all about. This is for those who do.

Well, looks like my poor, lost in the big world BD (bio daughter) will never stop crying over things that never happened almost 20 years ago... On Facebook, quite a few times I posted some questions for her and never got a single answer. Duh, how can you explain… say, severe beating (punching in the face, kicking, “pummeling the back") that didn't leave a single bruise? (She admitted it just a few months ago, “Police said that there was no case b/c there was no proof”, sth like that). Oh, and being pushed down the stairs! That’s a new one. Apparently, she forgot to mention that back in 1997.

Yes, in case you didn’t know, this alone can cause quite visible marks. In her blog  

https://sascharants.wordpress.com/author/saschakonietzko/      

she writes about her mother:

"When she called me to tell me that I could come home because he was gone, I came to the townhouse that was our home and she answered the door with her ankle wrapped up in a tensor bandage. 

It didn't even take a second for me to figure it out. He pushed her down the stairs. Of course, it took two weeks for her to admit that's what happened even though I already knew." 

Wow. And I'm learning about it now?

Of course, it’s just another lie. Another return of our “prodigal daughter” was the reason we were arguing on that day, June 16, 2000. She was the reason we split. I never said that in so many words, but the tension between me and my then wife was getting unbearable. It started after that horrible October 13, 1997, when based on Perpetual Victim’s lies, I was kicked out of home “until trial”, which meant a year or even longer. Luckily, the lawyer was able to speed it up and I would’ve been “home for Christmas” (December 17) after ‘just’ 2 months. However, her mother’s crying (literally, that didn't happen often) made me sign the humiliating Peace Bond, what meant practically admitting to all those horrible things I didn’t do. Pretty hard to imagine that something like that wouldn’t affect a relationship. Right?

What happened on that last day of our marriage was a “final straw”. The argument got more and more heated… Not because I’d been drinking, I’m a “happy drunk”, but b/c I couldn’t stand the mere thought of Princess coming back again and again doing whatever the heck she wants to. With us… just as onlookers, neighbours. Who’d agree to that? Except her mother that is, "happy our daughter is home again", cleaning up the whole place... Her love was unconditional, still... "technically, both my parents were abusive".

I know, The Professional Survivor will say, “My mom didn't mention being pushed down the stairs out of fear.”

Sure, and would rather spend the night being alone with someone who might've just killed her… No? If you try to imagine the situation described in the report – me pushing her away from the stereo (it was just her hand I pushed, which doesn’t really matter here), so her facing me with her back to the stairs… Jesus, couldn’t break her neck?

Ok, enough of this nonsense. None of four cops noticed… her limping, at least? Quite severe, I’d assume. If later the ankle required a tensor bandage…

It’s really hard for me to understand why my once-daughter who I loved so much would do something like that to me, but what she’s done to her late mother is unforgivable.   

“She would lock me out at night if I didn’t bring a dish and a fork home from work, a dish and a fork I had at work for my lunches.  She would lock me out at night if she decided I was out too late. Even though I was 19 years old. “

I’ll get back to that post, it’s a long one... Can’t really force myself to write much more right now, all this is… I happen to grasp for words quite often talking about this, it's simply unbelievable.

Just one thing, how can you fit into this gloomy picture (taken straight from Dickens, I guess) something like a conversation about giving the poor, battered child our Tercel? She wrote about that in her Myspace Notes years ago - "was promised" the 5-year-old, paid off (mostly by me) car and... What happened? Oh no.... Poor girl didn’t bring her dish and fork from work again?...